Silence and the Words

On the drive back from work to the place where I am staying, my eyes flipped between the odometer on the dashboard of the car and the air conditioning vent gushing out cold air at 23degreeC. Occasionally I raised my eyes to stare blankly outside the windshield of the car, unmindful of the various sights and sounds cruising past me at 125kmph.This evening, I was not being my usual cheerful self. I was not planning to explore tonight the new city I find myself to be in. Tonight, I did not want to venture out into finding new ways of spending the rials I have in wallet.

I am still trying to figure out the thing that had turned me off or exactly when or how it came about. In fact, this is what was on my mind when I drove back from work. I had started playing a game with me; I was trying to describe how I feel tonight as succinctly as possible, and so succinctly that I tried not to make the description last longer than a word.

I thought I felt weird, which I chose to replace with unsatisfied, which was not a very good choice either. A string of words raced through my mind just like the beautiful views on Al Qurm Heights Road in the national capital city of Muscat, raced past outside the car.

And of course, more often than not, such thoughts strike mostly when the scales of emotions are tilted on the negative side. Alas, human nature! I have not yet learnt to encounter pensiveness in jubilation. I have found myself turning a little quiter over the past few month, a little more restrained, a little less voluble. I offer different explanations ranging from New Year resolutions to growing-up for this phenomenon to people around me.

All along, I have tried to live with the personal motto of "18 'til I die", but I guess 24 is soon catching up with me. I guess I need to replace this with "age with grace" now. So far, so good. Again, I guess the one word game for emotions stems out from this very same turn of events. I am being brief and I have now found the word which describes how I feel tonight.

I feel "incomplete"!

If you read this, please leave a comment behind. Tell me how you feel in one word. I look forward to hearing from you!

Sleepless in Song

It is long past the
Forsaken hour of midnight,
I lie against my pillows
As sleep eludes my eyes.
I read aloud thy verses and
The walls my voices mime.
I wait restless for thee
To share my solitude tonight.
Your footsteps sound against
The glacial stones outside
An ethereal being now stands
At my chamber doors open wide.
Is it sleep or intoxication
That obscures my sight?
I peer at thy unearthly presence
While against my will I fight.
My hands stretched out, long to
Hold thee in their own right,
But instead I am falling, falling back
Into a dreamy ravine.

What some people think I am...

It is Tuesday evening and I am still my Client's office for discussing a project we intend to do for them. Everything was wrapped up by the afternoon, however, it is the documentation that is taking so long. While I wait, I thought I should share something with my virtual world.

Here are the top five things that people tell/ask me regarding my nativity. Listing them in reverse of order of hilarity:

No. 5
"You look like a south Indian." That is what soooo many people have told me.

No. 4
"You are Christian, G, is it not?" I wonder how people come to that conclusion just from a person's appearance. Blah!

N0. 3
This was my masseuse asked me while she massaged my back. "You are a Goan, are you not?"

No. 2
"Are you Madrasi?" That is the question that my Professor always flicked at me in spite of reminding him several times that I belong to the same region as he.

Now for the gem of all and this one is also my favourite.

No. 1
"G, you are Sri Lankan." That is not even a question but an affirmative statement from the same gentleman who asked me if I was Madrasi.

Ohh good. Everything wrapped up. It is time to leave. This meeting is over for good.
Leaving for Chennai tomorrow.

A Letter for *****

This was originally supposed to be an email for a friend, but then I changed my mind because I didn't want to be so explicit to a man and so it finds its place here. I hope he would visit my page to read this.

Dearest *****,

Remember that some time back you asked me to be straightforward with you. I never thought I would have to put it so explicitly to any man, but there is this thing that I think I should tell you. It's about why women are the way they are. Why do they seem so be such an entangled mass of thoughts that a man could very easily lose himself in there. He is just lost in some women but then he also finds himself when he is lost in thoughts for that one woman. You will come across a number of women who will mesmerize you, flabbergast you, disgust you, love you, hate you, make you come across a zillions emotions you never knew you had the capacity to feel. That is the power we hold, though we are all females of the same species, we don't have much in common.

There are a number to things we do because it feels good, it feels right. Do not go around pushing a woman for reason about why she feels the way she feels unless it is physics or any other scientific subject. You will need to have a lot of patience with her. Let her take her time when she is arguing but never leave her in the middle of it.

When we feel strongly about someone, we hesitate to admit it, even to ourselves. We know that post admission it becomes difficult to move on especially when the feelings are not reciprocated. When we ask a question, there is no right answer or wrong answer but the answer that we want to hear and it will not be difficult figuring out what we want to hear. We love to hear someone speak what we think. So, may be once in a while you can let go off you staunch stance and take our side. Also, when we ask a question, we do not like having a no for an answer, unless that is what we are expecting, but then once we have it, we feel disappointed for a moment. Always avoid answering in ‘hmm’ too much. It makes us wonder if it is a yes or a no. Please save us the trouble.

It is also very easy to bring a cheer on our faces or make us feel truly happy. A genuine compliment, a smiling "Good Morning", a flower, a good movie or book, a lovely walk or a talk, a nicely brewed cup of coffee or ale, a refreshing breeze, the smell of wet earth, a good shop, fresh grocery, absolutely anything could make our day but the catch is, you'll need to mix and match, find what goes with who. That is where you will need to use the grey cells in your head.

We take a hell lot time when we have to get dressed for a special occasion, but you cannot blame us, we like being complimented and feeling good about ourselves. We have a penchant for sweet, romantic, emotional flicks, after all that is what we wanted to be seeing in one of you. We all love to shop and spend hours at it. When you find one your good friends downcast, take her shopping, she will be all fixed up in a jiffy. However, a word of caution, the whole thing could backfire if she does not find what she is looking for.

Some of us might remain as stagnant as a pond while some of us might be a gurgling stream, but then all of us share the same passion, the same nameless mysterious entity, that you call ‘complicated’ which makes each one of us who we are.

We have tricks that will outlast a lifetime. You will never get bored with us. Every day is new adventure, because, even after spending a lifetime with us, you will find yourself being surprised on more than just one occasion.

Though I have not more 24 years of experience in this field, but then there might a thing or two that I should know.

“Patience is virtue” was never truer than when you are with us.

Eventually, it is this virtue that will lead you to her who will make you experience what we truly stand for.

Love,
G

A Tale Waiting to Unfold

The song might be pretty relevant to the post below. It is another one of the songs in my life which weaves a tale of its own spanning ages and I mean this literally.

Thanks to Chantal Kreviazuk and John Denver for the song.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm ...

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

But I'm leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)

Two Weeks Ago…was when it all happened!

It’s been an unusually long amount of time since I did a crib-post. Well, I have been venting out myself so often that I have decided to reserve this place for more sacred topics! So, that brings me to the current topic and no I am not cribbing tonight.

Something really interesting happened last week. After having slogged for almost 11 months in the profession of a BD executive, I got to do what they really ought to do. I got to meet the Clients in person and sell myself (all you guys, relax your grey cells, no pun intended here.) and it was to be not just one Client but three of them across two metros. Yes! I was on official trip to Bombay and Delhi for almost 10 days. Amazing, is it not? Actually, it is my equivalent of being on an all expenses paid trip except that one has a baby to babysit. So, what does one do in this case? Very easy, put the baby to bed, and all the remaining time is yours! However, the trick is how one goes about that as it is one’s profession after all and one is there on the trip just for that. That was really made extremely convenient by one’s manager A who had to prove to his boss that he is providing this executive with enough exposure to the Client and in putting up the entire trip, he considered letting me have the extra work-free days. Yippie and I am definitely not complaining.

Rewind to a day before the trip starts.

Time - 14:00 Hrs

A’s Boss: What is your name?

G: It is G Sir.

A’s Boss: Could you help me with this please?

G: Sure Sir, may I have a look at it.

A’s Boss: Hmm.

G: Oh, it’s your daughter’s history project! Which class is she in, Sir? (Why me?)

A’s Boss: She is in 10^th. If you need any help you get in touch with her.

G: Sure Sir. (I’ll take help from a 15 year old to do her history homework!:( )

A’s Boss: And make sure you finish this off before you leave on your business trip.

Boss struts off.

I slog on and on while aware of the other commitments of the day. I still have some pending work to finish off and A checks on me every now and then if I am free. Eventually he gives up and tells me he’ll do my work as well but I should make sure that I do the homework. Wow, I love him. Plus, I have to also meet Dad for dinner.

Around 20:00 Hrs

A’s Boss: How are things?

G: Still going Sir, should take some more time.

A’s Boss: It’s alright, take your time. Work on it during you free time and make sure you send it to me within next two days.

There I have my baby.

I meet Dad for dinner at around 20:30 hours, and we have splendid time together. I get back to my place, clean up, pack up and by the time I get into bed it’s already around two hours past midnight. Late, isn’t it?

A few hours later.

I wake up with a start and squint at my wrist watch. It’s 05:45 in the morning. Oh bad! My plane leaves at 7:10 and I have to get ready and get to the airport. So, I get into my business suit while I am still gathering my stuff, run out of my apartments while straightening my clothing, get almost run down by a lorry, get a cab to drop me off to airport in record breaking 15 minutes and I pay the driver 200 bucks for driving me 15 kilometres at breakneck speed so that I don’t miss my debut business trip. I love him too. I meet my manager at the airport and all is well.

Two hours later, I am in Bombay. It shall always be Bombay as it was when I visited it for the first time and Ma and Pa tell me, it was the place where I was conceived.

Next two days are spent in meeting up with the Clients and I go to see off my manager at the airport who decides to share some words of wisdom with me, “G, try not getting too adventurous here in the evening” while I try maintain a totally innocent look on my face and totally failing at it. And yeah, Bombay traffic sucks big time but nightlife, malls, eateries, shopping streets and what not, make up for it. I meet the really old time friend I am staying with on the second day and it’s amazing. The no-man’s-woman is now R-man’s-woman. I love you Cat. Weird, I think to myself though it is all a jubilant feeling for me!

The following day, I hang up on the Boss because I thought it was some random call from some random number. They do a lot these days. He informs me of his identity through an SMS. I finish off the history homework for the Boss’s kid well within the schedule and go on a shopping spree to Linking Road with S and get back at around midnight and totally exhausted. We fall asleep talking to each other. The following evening I leave for Delhi and which is an entirely different tale, or a fairytale maybe.

More Nostalgia

In this post, I introduce some lyrics that I came across a long time back when I did not care to find out who their progenitor was. I was, I guess, then lost in a world that was not much different from what most of us find in our dreams, and now I am wide awake, I see things clearly, I am conscious and curious of things around me. It also reminds me of what my auricle or ventricle (or maybe it was whole of my heart) told me that I could dream all I want but while I lay there snoozing on my own, I was surely going to miss out on a lot of things in the real world.

The following lyrics were conceived by the early fourteenth century Persian poet who went by the name Hāfez.

It Felt Love

How

Did the rose

Ever open its heart

And give to this world

All its

Beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light

Against its

Being.

Otherwise,

We all remain

Too

Frightened.

Friends Do Things Like This

Friends do things like this:

Tell which mat their house key is

Hidden under.

Hafiz, jump over, cut through

All the small talk today:

Look beneath the right-hand corner

Of the Kirman behind

The barn

(Where my sweet dog is usually

Sleeping

Don’t worry, she won’t bite)

For you would not believe

The extraordinary view

Of God

From my bedroom

Window.