Stuff I've left behind

Tonight as I brushed my teeth in preparation of much needed slumber after a long and tiring day of work, I paused to look at the white brush, an Oral B Sensitive, wondering how soft its bristles felt against my gums. This single thought was enough to plunge me deep into memories of things left behind in the distant past.

I looked at my image in the mirror, turned back and asked my roommate if she had ever left behind stuff at people’s place she was visiting, and the answer was the much expected affirmative. I have been using the sensitive toothbrushes for quite some time now and tonight, something just reminded me that I have left so many of them behind at so many places. I believe toothbrushes happen to be easiest articles to be left behind when packing bags for chiefly two reasons, one, we always leave them lying in the bathroom, never timely recollecting to pick them up before leaving and second, they are so easily replaceable!

Now, there have been quite a few other things that I have left behind and they all hold with them such fond memories. Last month, when I was visiting Kat in Delhi, I left behind a much loved bra by Triumph and I remember that I almost threatened in order to persuade her to send it back to me as soon as possible (You need to experience it yourself to find how procrastinating some of my friends could be!). Yeah, it is one of my favourite comfort wears after all. And the other time, I left behind a pair of new hair-combs and an old towel which dearest Newt very promptly returned to me. The other common things I have left behind have included items like paperbacks some of which I had already finished reading, shawls, various articles of clothing, cellular phone chargers, cosmetics, tickets which I always had to rush back to collect, keys for which I have had to wait a couple of days at a friend’s place or easier broken a lock or two to get into my room, and the list goes on. One of the kinkiest things I have left behind was at Yal’s place, this time it was a pack of condoms over eighteen months old, almost close to the expiry date I guess, he called them antique condoms and joked he would never use them.

Besides all the material stuff mentioned above, there have been quite a few things a lot less material and a lot dearer that I have left behind. The childhood and innocence were left behind first, and it was losing these that have in a great manner made me the woman I am today. Yeah, I am a woman now, not a girl anymore! I have also left behind the bitter-sweet emotion of the first parting from home, the butterfly-in-pit-of-the-stomach feeling from first love, the pain from the first heartbreak, the sadness during some long lonely nights, the smile sprinkled days at the varsity, the frequent evening parties enthused with laughter! Also, as I leave behind these small symbols, I leave behind a legacy that keeps my existence firmly bonded to the Earth, memories that I share with so many, and may be one of these things that I leave behind will keep my memory alive long after I am gone. I am not one of those who desire oblivion, I prefer the limelight. I have got over so many events from the past, and time teaches me that it is the right way to be. Old clutter must be cleared away to make room for the new and I am more than in love with the new clutter in my life.

Dear Readers, do tell me what you have left behind!

More Nostalgia

In this post, I introduce some lyrics that I came across a long time back when I did not care to find out who their progenitor was. I was, I guess, then lost in a world that was not much different from what most of us find in our dreams, and now I am wide awake, I see things clearly, I am conscious and curious of things around me. It also reminds me of what my auricle or ventricle (or maybe it was whole of my heart) told me that I could dream all I want but while I lay there snoozing on my own, I was surely going to miss out on a lot of things in the real world.

The following lyrics were conceived by the early fourteenth century Persian poet who went by the name Hāfez.

It Felt Love

How

Did the rose

Ever open its heart

And give to this world

All its

Beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light

Against its

Being.

Otherwise,

We all remain

Too

Frightened.

Friends Do Things Like This

Friends do things like this:

Tell which mat their house key is

Hidden under.

Hafiz, jump over, cut through

All the small talk today:

Look beneath the right-hand corner

Of the Kirman behind

The barn

(Where my sweet dog is usually

Sleeping

Don’t worry, she won’t bite)

For you would not believe

The extraordinary view

Of God

From my bedroom

Window.

A song that reminds me of so many things...

As I lie in my bed tonight, some how this song starts playing by itself in my head. It has been ages since I last heard it or thought about it. It has been almost 9 years! And tonight, it suddenly pops out of nowhere bringing back memories of so many things I couldn't hold on to and that many of them were such trivial things and but they did not seem so then. For instance, I had this really cute pen drive that Dad had gifted me (I could never find anything like that again.) I lost it in about a year of using it and I remember how I had cried (I was 21 then.) It's not so long ago if you see.

The song also forces me to think about the other things that I would not mind parting away with and the ones I would find it difficult to give up on but would eventually move on and be all fine, as good as ever actually. Ohh, on a brighter note, the pen drive was of course replaced, though I couldn't get one as cute or sturdy but yes, Dad got me another one, and this time he travelled over a 500km just to bring it to me, just to give it to me himself. Changing my mind, I think this one is much better than the previous one and I still hold on to it like all the other beautiful things and people in my life.

Ohh, and here's the song. It was performed by Emilia then, I am not sure who it really belongs to but I'll credit this to her.

I'm a big big girl

in a big big world

It's not a big big thing if you leave me

but I do do feel that

I too too will miss you much

miss you much...

I can see the first leaf falling

It's all yellow and nice

It's so very cold outside

like the way I'm feeling inside

Outside it's now raining

And tears are falling from my eyes

Why did it have to happen

Why did it all have to end

I have your arms around me ooooh like fire

But when I open my eyes

You're gone...

I'm a big big girl

in a big big world

It's not a big big thing if you leave me

but I do do feel that

I too too will miss you much

miss you much...

Hmmm, Good night. :)

Nostalgia - New Year, Old Memories

Though this might be another post for the series titled Nostalgia but, no dear reader, it’s not digging up old graves. Let one subtly put it as taking a nice light stroll down the memory lane. It doesn’t concern a specific memory or event but rather the whole chain of happenings happening around us that we were too absorbed to take even little notice of or give a thought or two to. I dedicate this post to the music and the adfilms that people from my generation grew up listening to and watching.

Before going to bed on the New Year’s Eve, I had this urge in me to listen to this old number “Someone out there” by Code Red. I am not sure how many people still remember but they were touring this part of the world about 10 years ago, they released a single with Asha Bhonsle and were driving girls crazy with their boyhood. How could we forget the phenomenon that we were so much a part of? Remember the boyband mania that gripped us like bad bouts of flu which would make us get together in groups and swing to the melodies of OTT, Backstreet Boys, The Moffats, Boyzone, A1, Westlife, 911 and so many more and not forgetting the girl bands, Spice Girls, Solid Harmonie, B*Witched, Dixie Chicks, Destiny’s Child, well, until they all split up. How naive were we then!  Though, it’s nice to see groups like PCD still making it big, the new age girl power music. However, now our mature music sense translates into rock and metal bands like “Linkin Park, Avril Lavigne, Pink Floyd, Scorpions, Eagles, etc.” and “Def Lepard, Korn, Iron Maiden, Rammstein, Pantera, etc.” respectively, but I am not complaining. I like my new music so much better, so much more like me – rebellious, gregarious, high-spirited, loud, passionate!

Now what really got me going with this post did not take place until the first morning of 2009 when my dear friend Ghanshu (as we so affectionately call him) decided to im me url’s of old adfilms on youtube. It started with the dusty old advertisement for Hajmola masterji, and making its way to Vicks ki goli lo, khich khich door karo. I was so immersed in the feeling of nostalgia (How I wish there were a word without the root ‘algos’ and instead the Greek root for joy!) by now that I spent the next two hours cleaning off dust and cobwebs that had settled on a section of my memories. It was pure joy watching the ‘Mile sur mera tumhara’ and ‘Purab se surya uga’ (The National Literacy Mission Promotional Film), running across my then favourite Cadbury ad: “Kuch khaas hai hum sabhi mein”; the Mentos, “fresh goes better, fresh goes fresher with mentos fresh and full of life”, “I love you...Rasna” and humara Bajaj, “Buland Bharat ki buland tasveer”. Remember the Titan piano theme, or the catchy Complan song “The skirt can’t you see, is so high above the knee, but I am growing mummy. You play basketball and don’t come when I call, but I am growing mummy. You put doggie up so high, can you please tell me why, but I am growing mummy!” All of it feels so vintage now, like those semi-precious nuggets which adorn the antique shops. It makes me sigh and gaze and smile to myself.

Wow, time is swift, it does race by.

Nostalgia - The Beginning

This post is first in the series titled ‘Nostalgia’ as you can read above in big violet letters. What it basically contains is this – every post in the series will deal with a long lost memory/event that might be ages old or otherwise but nonetheless it shall be subjected to my dissection. Lately I have been feeling all weird because I haven’t been correcting other people’s mistakes. Some people went so far as to call me captious, but what the hell. Getting back on track, I guess this negligence of other’s mistakes led me to neglect my own mistakes and now I make so many mistakes and I feel so human, damn! I am going to try and address those long lost mistakes through Nostalgia. Wish me luck people. Being the first in the series, I’ll keep this one from the time I was still pure and not morally corrupted to the extent that I am now.

I was just done with my Class 12 exams and was running all over the country taking entrance tests. It was the weekend after I had taken the AIIMS entrance test (I never made it there otherwise I might not be here poking at my keyboard.) AIIMS was the last test I took; it was on the first Sunday of June if my memory serves me right. Technically, BHU-IMS entrance test should have been the last one but then I skipped it and I never gave it a second thought until today, things could have turned out seriously different if I had or I’d still be here staring into my laptop. Getting on, Mamma had accompanied me to Jaunpur for my UP-CPMT (she didn’t consider me old enough to travel alone) and yup, I had taken a hell lot of pre-meds because my parents wanted a doctor in our household for a change, all we have are engineers in our family, you see and they thought I had the mirth to see it through. Personally, I’d started detesting biology after being subjected to a traumatizing preacher in my class 11th and 12th. Now, Jaunpur is this village of a place in the eastern part of Uttar Pradesh and that is where my parents were brought up and where I was born.

Okhay, so it was the weekend after my last entrance test (yippee) and my Dad who’s not very physically active, was quite perked up that Saturday. By the way, you should see Dad now though I haven’t for quite some time, but from what he tells me he’s been gymming and all after the annual medical tests came as a shocker. I must say, good for him. So, the three of us, wait I didn’t introduce this little cutie in my life, my baby brother! He’s not all that younger than me, just a couple of years, but he’ll always be my baby brother. The three of us decided to walk to the sea, i.e. the Arabian Sea. It was like in our backyard but we decided to walk ten kilometers as we wanted to get to this temple on the shore – the Varahaswarup Temple, it’s dedicated to Lord Vishnu’s reincarnation as Varaha (the one who’s pictorial depiction resembles Pumba) – and also the beach . Now as Mamma stayed back at granny’s in Jaunpur, (I travelled alone back to Surat, the first train journey on my own) cooking had been a big problem at home. Nevertheless, we prepared the sandwich filling that night so we’d wake up next morning stuff it between two slices of bread and grill it. Of course, I had to do this chore. Everything went as planned, and by seven next morning the three of us were walking down our way to the beach. We took under three hours to get there and the day was turning out to very pleasantly. We offered our obeisance at the temple and then went down to the beach accompanying the temple. My brother and I ran along the length of the beach while Dad sat under a coconut tree tired from the long walk. We had lunch (the sandwiches that I had prepared) and started back for home a couple of hours later. It was nearly a perfect Sunday with only Mamma missing.

Now, the mistake that I made here was I didn’t carry my camera, really silly of me. I don’t have anything to remind me of the day except the stones that I got back from the shore after a lot of protests from my Dad which Mamma later neatly arranged in flower pots in the garden and they still reside there. The other thing though it would not classify as a mistake, I was concerned about my career then as I really didn’t know my interests, so I decided to carry on with science. But had my dad for even once mentioned English Literature, I would have totally lapped up the idea. Eventually, he did mention it but that was four years later, when I had already graduated.